I have not posted anything in a long time but something has
been on my mind. There are certain practices we have here in Zimbabwe that I feel
should be eliminated. KUTIZISWA! Back in the day this might not have been as
bad as it seemed because marriage was more of a custom rather than happiness. People
got married to procreate; very few did it for love and happiness. If a man
impregnated a woman he was not married to, the woman’s family was obliged to
take their daughter to his house. If he did not want to marry her they would
leave her there because it was a shameful thing to be pregnant, unmarried and
staying with your parents. She had to stay with this man regardless of love or
that she was miserable. Sometimes it
would work out and the man would gradually accept her but sometimes she would
endure a lot of emotional and maybe even physical abuse. Women did not have any
rights. It was all about the men and everything that society ruled moral was in
favour of men.
Today being a single mother is still frowned upon by some
but our society has accepted single mothers. Women have rights and have the
freedom to choose whether or not they want to get married to the man who
impregnated them or not. Sometimes they want to get married to the father of
their child but he does not want to marry her. So what is it exactly that is
bothering me? Parents who still force their daughters into marriage just
because she is pregnant! You dump your daughter at this man’s house. You don’t
know him or his family. All you are concerned about is your image as parents.
What about your daughter’s happiness? What about her safety? What about what
she wants? What about what’s best for her and the baby? Is society’s view of
you as a parent more important than your child? Some parents seem to care more
about what the neighbours are whispering in each other’s ears. I am not a
parent but I am human and I know sometimes it hurts to hear what people have
been saying behind your back but surely leaving your daughter with a family
that does not want her should not be a solution. People will always talk
whether you do good or bad! It’s a fact of life.
Some believe they are teaching their daughter a lesson. What
lesson? What positive thing can possibly come out of that situation? All I have
seen, from most of the women I know that were put in such situations, is
bitterness. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't love them. Stop worrying about what the Pastor at church or
Mai Nhingi in the choir is going to say and do what is best for your daughter
and her baby. If I am wrong please correct me but I know being a parent means
your life is no longer top priority. Others believe they have to teach the man
a lesson about taking responsibility for his actions. It might work but at the
cost of your daughter’s happiness.
I feel we need to re-evaluate some of the customs our
ancestors used to practice, especially in this day and age. Stop giving up your
daughters to this form of slavery and imprisonment and work it out as a family.
~bendito ♥~
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