Kutiziswa: My definition of 21st century slavery and imprisonment!

I have not posted anything in a long time but something has been on my mind. There are certain practices we have here in Zimbabwe that I feel should be eliminated. KUTIZISWA! Back in the day this might not have been as bad as it seemed because marriage was more of a custom rather than happiness. People got married to procreate; very few did it for love and happiness. If a man impregnated a woman he was not married to, the woman’s family was obliged to take their daughter to his house. If he did not want to marry her they would leave her there because it was a shameful thing to be pregnant, unmarried and staying with your parents. She had to stay with this man regardless of love or that she was miserable.  Sometimes it would work out and the man would gradually accept her but sometimes she would endure a lot of emotional and maybe even physical abuse. Women did not have any rights. It was all about the men and everything that society ruled moral was in favour of men.

Today being a single mother is still frowned upon by some but our society has accepted single mothers. Women have rights and have the freedom to choose whether or not they want to get married to the man who impregnated them or not. Sometimes they want to get married to the father of their child but he does not want to marry her. So what is it exactly that is bothering me? Parents who still force their daughters into marriage just because she is pregnant! You dump your daughter at this man’s house. You don’t know him or his family. All you are concerned about is your image as parents. What about your daughter’s happiness? What about her safety? What about what she wants? What about what’s best for her and the baby? Is society’s view of you as a parent more important than your child? Some parents seem to care more about what the neighbours are whispering in each other’s ears. I am not a parent but I am human and I know sometimes it hurts to hear what people have been saying behind your back but surely leaving your daughter with a family that does not want her should not be a solution. People will always talk whether you do good or bad! It’s a fact of life.

Some believe they are teaching their daughter a lesson. What lesson? What positive thing can possibly come out of that situation? All I have seen, from most of the women I know that were put in such situations, is bitterness. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't love them.  Stop worrying about what the Pastor at church or Mai Nhingi in the choir is going to say and do what is best for your daughter and her baby. If I am wrong please correct me but I know being a parent means your life is no longer top priority. Others believe they have to teach the man a lesson about taking responsibility for his actions. It might work but at the cost of your daughter’s happiness.

I feel we need to re-evaluate some of the customs our ancestors used to practice, especially in this day and age. Stop giving up your daughters to this form of slavery and imprisonment and work it out as a family.

~bendito ♥~

Respect Relationships

These days everyone on facebook or twitter is a relationship expert. I’m a culprit. Posting all these “positive remedies” on how to handle relationships but is there really a remedy to a “perfect” relationship? There’s so much cheating, and people have very little or no respect for relationships. A common excuse is “you are not married yet so why are you tying yourself down…” If you cannot respect a relationship you really think you can respect a marriage? Wait… No one respects marriages either. Men literally tell you they don’t care when you tell them you are married and women do the same. The funny thing is these are the very same people that have a lot to say about the opposite sex cheating and disrespecting them when things go wrong.  I believe if you know he/she belongs to someone else you have no right to complain about mistreatment in the relationship. You knew very well what you were getting yourself into!

With the level of disregard for other people’s relationships and marriages is it safe to say that our generation is totally doomed? Will our children experience true love and companionship?

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and people now have “open marriages”!  The couple on the show explained how they have three ways and see other people.  What is the point of getting married at all if you are going to have three ways and see other people? Why say those vows?  It’s the same with non-married couples. Why be in a relationship if you do not want to commit to one partner? You might as well be single. Cheating and all this nonsense of open relationships and marriages is why we will never be able to control the spread of HIV and STIs.

There might not be one simple recipe to perfect relationships and marriages but I know very well cheating and open relationships are not the answer. People need to respect each other’s relationships married or not!

~mimie~

Get your own!

‘Ndinoda murume ane bhegi” (“I want a rich man”)! This seems to be a popular statement these days. We all want a man that can take care of us but does this really mean we have to go hunting for the filthy rich guys and put up with all their nonsense just because you want all the designer bags and shoes and expensive cars? Some women have resorted to dropping out of school claiming all they need to do is get married to a filthy rich man. We are focusing more on ways to hook the “rich men” than anything! At the end of the day is it really worth it? There’s a saying I would rather be miserable in my Lamborghini than on a bicycle. I have used that statement so many times but does this Lamborghini I have to be a man’s? Why can’t you work on making your own money?

Everything we do has consequences especially “: easy money”. Very few women will come out in the open and actually admit that behind the expensive clothes he buys for her lies nothing but misery.  Some want out but they are in too deep. They have seen things that they cannot repeat to anyone or are too ashamed to repeat. Some have accepted the abuse that comes with this “lavish” lifestyle. Some have entered marriage with expectations of a luxurious life and have found out the hard way that all that glitters is not gold.

We spend so much energy “fighting” for gender equality and yet we are the very same people that are begging for men to oppress us. You feel we don’t have enough rights but you feel it’s okay to sell yourself short by becoming “his slave” for the love of money. No wonder men laugh in our faces when we bring up gender equality.  Vamwe hamuchatobvi kwa Dr Sugar! Come now ladies! When that muti back fires (which it will) what are you going to do? You can only “renew” mushonga for so long. Kuzvitsvagira nhamo! Are you afraid to work hard to get your own?

Stop selling yourself short! We can do so much better! Let his money be a bonus to what you can achieve on your own and not your contract with the devil!

~mimie ~